p; speaks ♥

poolside!

SUNDAYYY :)

rooftop.

i found myself by the pool, taking in the cool breezy wind and the splendor of the sun.

there was no one at the pool, not even a lifeguard, but i like it just this way.

it is pleasant. very pleasant.

this way, i will save time convincing myself that people are not staring at me.

i will be the fattest and saggiest person at the pool, bound to create a stir.

lifeguards breaking into a slo-mo run towards me, ordering me,

to leave because this is a family pool. and with my terrible body,

i am upsetting everyone when i strut around in my bikini.

anyway!

fun by the poolside!

swim like little mermaid!

so i got changed hurriedly, in case someone peeks at me from the wilderness.

i got on the chair and started reading a book i found at home.

the title of the book is ‘the rough guide to unexplained phenomena’.

sometimes i think about things and the questions i have are so intense.

i flapped around trying to come up with an answer but to no avail.

hope this book will help me solve a few questions!

the sun was so hot. it was actually stifling and killing me.

i felt like a cactus in sahara desert.

in some way, i am going through a dry patch that threatens to turn my life into sahara desert.

under the sun, i broke out in sweat so much so that i have to take rehydration salts.

st andrew's cathedral.

when finally, i went into muscle spasm from mineral depletion under the sun,

i left the pool and headed for st andrew’s cathedral.

the cathedral is WHOOPING NICE!

i sat at the amphitheatre and read my book on unexplained phenomena for an hour.

it was all so peaceful.

except for occasional loud conversations and hysterical laughters by china men and women.

china men regaled china women with tales of one of their many heroic deeds at the construction site.

while china women laughed shyly (not shyly actually, it was very loud) at their counterparts.

i know a word for that, they were like roaring with laughters.

unable to stand any further damage to my eardrums, i went into the chapel.

sat down, close my eyes and held my hands together, like those people from television shows.

“i had a dream,” i said to God.

i sounded like martin luther king.

“i cant think of a single reason why i should be here.”

“but i can think of a thousand reasons why i should not be here.”

“i dont really believe in you.”

“i have a bible, i bought it because it is precious moments’ and it is really cute.”

it would have been a subject of a confessional,

but circumstances dictate that it was an afternoon bean-spilling.

the rule is everybody is a liar until proven honest.

lying is bad or so we are told constantly.

from birth, honesty is the best policy.

but the fact is, lying is a necessity.

but this is the moment, where the truth is highlighted and bare.

i always thought God must be a decent kind of guy.

so i had only suffered mild agonies of guilt from everything.

because i figured He wouldnt have given us an appetite if He didnt want us to use it.

“there was a moment when i thought i cant do this, i cant do this alone.”

“i close my eyes and imagine myself doing it, and i did.”

“i blocked out my fear, and i did it.”

**

**

today is a good day.

maybe even a great day.

believe it or not, i was trying to make everything better.

turns out, sometimes you have to make big mistakes to figure out how to make things right.

mistakes are painful, but they are the only way to find out who you really are.

i know who i am now.

i know what i want.

every thing is going to be different now.

i promise from here on out,

nothing is ever going to be the same.